They were surrounded by family, friends, and neighbors on this joyous occasion. And of course, it was inevitable that everyone wanted their wisdom on one particular question :
“On this day when we celebrate your 50th wedding anniversary, what is your secret to staying together this long?”
Without hesitation, the husband replied, “We put up with each other.”
And just as quickly, his wife added, “That’s exactly right — we put up with each other!”
Then they both giggled like kids and leaned in for a kiss.
On the surface, the idea of just ‘putting up with’ your spouse could sound cold or shallow. Yet not one person attending the celebration experienced this golden-anniversary couple’s relationship as anything close to cold or shallow. Quite the contrary — everyone there looked to them as role models for what a long and loving relationship can look like.
If you asked anyone what they observed about the love these two shared, they would likely describe a relationship filled with patience, respect, grace, and plenty of humor.
I believe these four components of their relationship are exactly what theologian Thomas Merton was suggesting when he wrote:
“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image.”
Patience, respect, grace — and my editorial addition, lots of humor — are also at the heart of Paul’s encouragement to the early faith communities. His words offer timeless wisdom for how we are to live in relationship with one another:
• Ephesians 4:2–3
“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
• Colossians 3:12–13
“Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you.”
• Romans 12:10
“Love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor.”
• 1 Corinthians 13:4–7
“Love is patient, love is kind; it is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude… It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
At their anniversary celebration, that couple didn’t offer a romantic cliché or a polished formula. They spoke a truth most of us only learn with time — that lasting love, whether in marriage, friendship, or community, is less about perfection and more about perseverance. It’s choosing, day after day, to stay at the table. To listen a little longer. To forgive again. To laugh when things don’t go as planned.
‘Putting up with each other’ may sound modest, but in practice, it is holy work. It is the living out of patience, respect, grace, and humor — the very qualities Paul encouraged in the earliest Christian communities. These are not just relationship strategies; they are spiritual disciplines, grounded in the belief that every person bears the image of God.
So perhaps the secret to love that lasts is not grand passion or flawless compatibility, but something quieter and far more enduring: the daily decision to put up with one another — in love, with humility, and with joy.
BP