Meaningful Conversation…
There was much to be done and as such I was moving at a hundred miles an hour in the dish pit at camp. I had greeted the young person at the window but had no inkling that I would actually engage them in any meaningful conversation.
Moving now at light speed…out of the corner of my eye I noticed that said young person was still standing there. Curious, but still moving I quickly asked, “You need something?” “Umm…I was wondering…if there’s any chance I could talk to you for minute?” Came the ‘still small voice’.
Full stop. I finally clued into the reality that this young person was looking for a meaningful conversation rather than just exchanging pleasantries.
After a warm and wonderful meaningful conversation I was back at dish duty but now pondering the numerous potential meaningful conversations I miss.
Meaningful Conversation…
“We’ve all had the experience of telling somebody something and noticing that they are not really listening. It feels like you’re sending a message out to them and they’re just letting it fly past. You become self-conscious, start stumbling, and finally trail off. The problem is that the average person speaks at the rate of about 120 to 150 words a minute, which is not nearly enough data to occupy the brain of the person being spoken to. If you are socially anxious, you probably have so many thoughts about yourself dancing around in your head, they threaten to hijack your attention from whatever the person in front of you is saying. The solution as a listener is to treat attention as all or nothing. If you’re here in this conversation, you’re going to stop doing anything else and just pay attention to this. You’re going to apply what some experts call the SLANT method: sit up, lean forward, ask questions, nod your head, track the speaker. Listen with your eyes. That’s paying attention 100 percent.”
I really appreciate these words from author David Brooks. Specifically the importance of treating conversations not as a dimmer but rather as an on/off switch. In the world of multitasking and millions of distractions I have found that it is a real discipline to hold a space of on/off rather than dimmer.
One of my favorite clients is the Community of Hope International. There mission is, “The ministry of listening presence.” Grounded in Benedictine spirituality they provide formation and support for communities to learn how to truly listen to others. You never know what that ‘still small voice’ is going to share with you.
Meaningful conversation…
“When someone deeply listens to you it is like holding out a dented cup you have had since childhood and watching it fill with cold fresh water. When it balances on the top of the rim you are understood. When it overflows and touches your skin you are loved. When someone deeply listens to you the room where you stay starts a new life and the place where you wrote your first poem begins to blow in your minds eye. It’s as if gold has been discovered. When someone deeply listens to you your bare feet are on the earth and the beloved land that seemed distant is now home within you.” – John Fox