“On the 21st of every month he would sit down and write a letter to his deceased wife, sharing something he loved about her. He would then seal it and place it on her pillow, where it would remain until he replaced it the following month. He did this until he died.”
This is one of my favorite stories about legendary UCLA coach John Wooden, shared by one of the foremost experts on Wooden, author Don Yaeger. Yaeger learned the story while spending time with Coach Wooden researching their book, A Game Plan for Life with John Wooden.
Yaeger was so inspired by Wooden that he adopted the practice himself, writing a letter once a week to his wife, sharing one thing he loved about her.
That simple practice transformed Yaeger’s outlook, both toward his wife and toward others as well. He explains:
“It seems we’re always looking for reasons to think less of someone else. Yet this practice of constantly looking for things I appreciate, things I love…if you are looking for things you love, in your friends, in your friendships, in your relationships…if you look for things you love…you see more of them.”
Judge. Critique. Evaluate.
They are easy defaults for most of us. We can put on lenses that give us a myopic view of others and of the world around us. We begin to see what is wrong, what is lacking, what needs to be fixed.
But Yaeger’s lesson from Coach Wooden is that we have a choice about the lenses through which we see the world.
What if, instead of looking for what is wrong, we intentionally looked for what is good? What if we looked for what we love? What if we made appreciation a spiritual practice?
Yesterday, our eldest son and his now-wife committed themselves to one another, promising to “love, honor and cherish” each other. Those three words are more than beautiful wedding vows. They can become a way of seeing.
In my experience, if they can lean into that promise to love, honor and cherish, it will provide them with the lenses through which they see one another. They can become intentional about looking for the things they love, the things they appreciate, and the things they cherish in each other.
A good reminder for all of us…
“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” – Simone Weil
BP