Sitting at my desk quietly joking with my fellow classmates, suddenly lightning struck as the teacher set my paper on my desk and said, “VERY disappointing, Mr. Prior!”
There could not have been a hole big enough for me to climb into as I felt the deep sting of embarrassment from those words. It was not just my friends overhearing what the teacher said but the clear sense that I let down a teacher I really respected.
Disappointing others is one of the most painful experiences of the human condition. Often accompanied with a deep sense of shame, guilt and even loss as we have missed an expectation.
Disappointment does not however need to be the end of the story, and certainly not the end of the relationship. In fact, there is real opportunity not just for redemption but a significant level of growth. That is, if there is no shortage of grace from both parties.
Staying in the space of the shame and guilt of disappointing another is neither healthy nor helpful. Seeking forgiveness, clarity, and desire to adjust accordingly provides us with grace to move forward. Likewise, continuing to harbor ill feelings or worse – define the person or the relationship by our experience of disappointment – only perpetuates the fracture rather than making space for grace.
As theologian Richard Rohr writes in his book Following the Mystics Through the Narrow Gate, “Most of us were taught that God would love us if and when we changed. In fact, God loves you so that you can change.”
It is inevitable that we are going to disappoint people we love and people will disappoint us. The question is how will we respond? Will we make it the end of the story? Or rather will we seek the space for grace in ourselves and others?
“..with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2
BP