The conversation was tense as those around the table were filled with a mix of anxiety and anticipation. All eyes were laser-fixed to the end of the table where the leader was sitting. Would he finally make a decision? Or would he once again wander off into the land of, “Well, let me think about this a little longer.”
Everyone in the room knew ‘thinking about’ was not the issue. The real issue was the leader’s inability to make a decision because he was afraid he would offend someone. And the reality was regardless of the direction of the decision there would inevitably be those who would not be happy.
I have sat in that chair. I have walked with hundreds of leaders sitting in that chair. And I would say the lack of willingness to make the difficult decision is unquestionably the greatest challenge many leaders face. It is not just leaders who clutch in this moment. Many a parent, partner, friend and coworker are often hesitant to make the hard decision. We want to be liked. We want people to be happy. The question is at what cost.
One of the most influential books I have ever read (and re-read) is Failure of Nerve, by Edwin Friedman. In this seminal book Friedman delves into the challenges faced by leaders in a world that increasingly values immediate gratification, avoidance of discomfort, and appeasing the masses. He argues that effective leadership demands emotional maturity, resilience, courage, and the ability to stand firm in the face of adversity, especially when the right course of action is unpopular.
Long before Friedman, Paul knew these challenges particularly with the faith community in Ephesians. “…speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body…” (Ephesians 4:5). Paul’s encouragement is to communicate honestly and with integrity, while also ensuring that their words are motivated by love and compassion – this is what maturity both as individuals and as a community looks like. People may not be pleased with the decision, but they will respect the process.
May I have the courage today
To live the life that I would love,
To postpone my dream no longer
But do at last what I came here for
And waste my heart on fear no more.”
John O’Donohue
Strength and Courage to love and serve…
BP