“In any relationship, fierce love causes us to cross boundaries and borders to discover one another, to support one another, to heal one another. When we do this, when we go crazy with affection, and offer wild kindness to our neighbor across the street or across the globe, we make a new kind of space between us. We make space for discovery and curiosity, for learning and growing. We make space for sharing stories and being changed by what we share. This is the space of the border, of both/and. We can learn to see the world not only through our own stories, but also through the stories and worldview of the so-called other. We simply must open our eyes, look across the room, the street, the division, the border—and reach out to that neighbor, offering our hand, our compassion, and our heart.” – Jacqui Lewis
To become a coach with the International Coaching Federation you must develop and demonstrate a capacity for eight core competencies. “Embodies a Coaching Mindset” is the competency with the expectation that the coach will be “open, curious, flexible and client centered.” As an ICF accredited coach and a person who coaches and trains other professional coaches I would tell you this is at the heart of coaching. It is absolutely critical that I show up with folks openly and genuinely curious about the direction they would like to take their coaching.
Many developmental psychologists suggest that for the vast majority of us curiosity begins to wane early in life. That is unless it is encouraged, nurtured and affirmed. We begin our life journey in a place of wonder filled with curiosity. As such, we love to explore, question and discover new information. Unfortunately, somewhere along the line this innate curiosity gets squelched by a message of, “Stop asking so many questions!” “Just do what I say.” “It’s not your job to question. Your job is to do what you’re told.”
Yet if we can navigate the minefield of these discouraging messages along the way our lives can be opened to incredible blue sky possibilities. Curiosity is the primary ingredient for discovery, knowledge, personal growth, innovation and a deeper understanding of ourselves and the people around us. Curiosity often challenges our assumptions and broadens our horizons to experience the world with eyes wide open.
A few years ago a group of stellar Episcopal colleagues wrote in a paper entitled, Introducing a Practical Theology of Episcopal Evangelism. “As Episcopalians, we promise ‘to seek and serve Christ in all persons’. To actively listen for God present in others is a bold statement of faith. We dare to go out like sleuths, genuinely curious and assuming we will find the presence of the Holy Spirit, and that God has gone before us into all places and is at work in every life.”
What would it be like if we entered into every interaction as sleuths – open, flexible, and genuinely curious? We just might find our curiosity shifts into transformation.
“Be curious not judgmental” – Ted Lasso