“To begin by always thinking of love as an action rather than a feeling is one way in which anyone using the word in this manner automatically assumes accountability and responsibility.”— bell hooks
I was sitting on a bench when the young person came swaggering up. He had been a camper since he was a boy, and I knew him and his family fairly well. As he sat down next to me—no shortage of bravado—he said, “Heard you wanted to talk to me.”
I responded, “How’s it going?”
Without uttering a word, he shrugged his shoulders. So I waded into the deep water. “It’s been brought to my attention that you’ve broken the covenant numerous times, including being very disrespectful to several members of the staff.”
His entire affect changed immediately. In a relatively meek voice he said, “I’m really sorry. I’m just not used to having a lot of… you know… rules. My parents don’t really care what I do, so it’s a big adjustment.”
As I was about to respond, he continued, “But I actually really love being here, and it’s so clear what the expectations are. And to be honest, being held accountable is probably a good thing for me.”
Accountability is sometimes viewed in a negative light. In my work with leaders and others, it is often the dynamic they find most challenging. Yet it is crystal clear that when accountability is not a lived value in our professional and personal lives, the consequences are almost always detrimental.
One of my favorite lines is, “Accountability is care with a backbone.” What I appreciate about this perspective is that accountability, at its core, is not about being punitive, but rather about taking responsibility and making life amendments. Parker Palmer says it particularly well: “Accountability is not about judgment; it is about shared fidelity to what matters most.”
Part of what I appreciate about Palmer’s words is his inclusion of “shared fidelity”. The reality is that our actions—or inactions—impact not just ourselves, but others. Which is why the healthiest communities, organizations, and families are those that have clear expectations of mutual accountability.
Seven years later, I ran into that high school camper—now a college graduate, at the beginning of a promising career trajectory, and engaged to be married. He quickly said to me, “I wanted to thank you—and camp—for teaching me the value of accountability. It literally changed my life.” Well, that was a good day…
“…what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God” – Micah 6:8
+BP