It was a packed house and the gathered clearly had shown up to air their complaints and concerns.
For my part, I had come to listen and learn. My hope was to begin to build relationships that would enable us to work together in forging a new future together.
The initial comments were sharp but not overtly aggressive. And then….a gentleman stood up and started screaming at me. Or maybe more accurately screaming about me. Red faced, waving his clenched fist he went on for what felt like an eternity, personally berating me.
My response…I non-reactively waited until he ran out of gas. Taking a breath while the entire room sat on the edges of their chairs waiting to see how I would respond…
In my calmest voice I said, “We have not met. My name is Brian. Clearly you have significant concerns. And many of them seem to be directed toward an individual. I am however not that person. First time here, first time a part of this group, first time hearing your concerns. But I would really like to get to know you and I hope you would like to get to know me. And that together we could work through your concerns.”
Projection is such a crafty critter, and none of us can escape its grip. It is an unconscious defense mechanism where we displace our own thoughts, feelings, or motivations onto another(s). In doing so we avoid doing our own work of self reflection, awareness and personal accountability.
Biblical scholar Walter Brueggmann often reminds us the plight of the prophets was to endure the projection of the fears and failures God’s people. And no one may have experienced more projection than Jesus of Nazareth. The crowds around him often wanted to make him king by force (John 6:15), a great political liberator or military leader rather than one who came not to be served but to serve (Mark 10:45).
As one of my favorite wise sages said to me once about projection, “Remember, it is their reflection not your reality – and – it’s important that you in fact do your work of self awareness and personal accountability.”
“If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it—usually to those closest to us.” – Richard Rohr.
BP